There's a certain kind of life that I envision living, I just haven't figured out how to get to it. Free from distractions just ever present and alert. What am I doing wrong? Is a question I constantly ask myself. Looking back at all I've overcome and though it may seem like a lot, sometimes it seems like so little. In my early 30’s and still can't quite figure it out. There’s a lot I held in but now it needs to come out. I look around and say did I choose correctly. Were my reasons for doing so valid, or was I just afraid of the very change I still crave. How can I be better and not just for me but for the little one that looks up to me. Am I failing, or am I winning? I have so many unanswered questions. And yet while trying to seek them with such little attempt, I find myself feeling distant from the one who really matters the most. Can he hear my quiet prayers? Is he near? Does he see my private tears? I like to believe that he still does. I need him to know that I love him so much and that I’m sorry for not acknowledging him on a daily basis. I don't want to be the one that only comes to him when I have a problem but is quick to forget him when times are good. I don't want to be a hypocrite! Please Ahayah just know that I haven't forgotten about you. My problems seem so big sometimes and I get lost in my own thoughts but this is not an excuse. I need you!!! I feel a bit lost, I’m doubting my decisions that I’ve once felt so firm about. Every little thing just annoys me these days and I don't know why. I need clarity, I need a cleansing. I need to hear you speak to me. I just feel so tired now and I no longer want these things to plague me. I need change and I need you to tell me how to get it. So tell me the truth no matter how much it may hurt. I just really need to know what I have to do next. I ask and pray that you make my crooked paths straight. Renew my vision, and give me a sound mind. Remove my blockages and let your living waters run free and flow deep. I need you now more then ever. I know your the only one who can really help me, and heal me.
Add comment
Comments